The trigger that silently kills you after baby loss

Sounds like an exaggerated title for a blog post, doesn’t it? … But it’s my normal, so it’s not really exaggerated for me. But I can imagine that if you haven’t been through baby loss, then this title could be some what confronting.

For anyone who has suffered a stillbirth or a neonatal loss, they’re already aware of the many triggers that pop up in front of them; days, weeks, months and I can only foresee, years, after such a traumatic loss. But do you know the one that hurts the most…?

Those blossoming bellies of pregnancy and the succulent sight and smell of newborn babies.

In some way, this Virus that has rampaged around the world, is offering a ‘get out of jail free card’ to me. It’s giving me an ‘out’ to see any new born babies or pregnant friends or family. It’s softening the blows for me without even knowing it.

I can hide in the comfort of my own bubble… getting on with my own life… forced to turn inwards instead of facing outwards. Choosing when or what I want to see on social media, or who I want to keep in touch with.

Pregnancy and child birth are natural facts of life. That’s a no brainer. But as I journey around the sun more frequently, I am learning that I end up carrying more baggage. I store in my suitcase the things that life has thrown at me and end up navigating these natural life events with a little extra weight, that previously wasn’t there before.

I guess i’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Perhaps my friends and family are too? I fear that the sight, smell and talk of pregnancy or newborns will continue to haunt me, creating this everlasting sense of a rock in my stomach. I get the feeling that people don’t want to tell me about their bumps anymore. That they’re trying to be kind by not sharing what would previously be so natural. I think this hurts more… knowing that you’re forever going to be that person that people look at side ways or hold their breath around, when they know something is going to hurt them.

Why not just talk to me about it? Say what’s on your mind?

As we all journey around the sun more frequently and carry the extra baggage, why not normalise the weight?

Talk more. Be open more. Share more.

Whispering in the corner merely just aggravates the wound.

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