Before I started writing to the Universe about my life’s train wreck after giving birth prematurely, I was a fairly private person. I held my cards close to my chest, only sharing with a delicate few. It’s not that I didn’t want to share, it’s more that I didn’t have the knowledge and understanding on how to share whilst still wanting to carefully protect my soul. We live in a society that is so focussed on people ‘seeing the positive’ to ‘live a better life’ or ‘fixing problems’ when actually we are a society which is desperately seeking safe places to verbalise and normalise our inner hurt. To reassure us that we are not alone and we are not crazy.
I’ve only been married 4 years and i’ve only just begun the Motherhood journey. Before this I was flippant, care free, easily dismissive of deeper feelings. It wasn’t until trauma slapped me vigorously across my cheeky cheeks that I was able to put myself on the metaphorical cliff edge of vulnerability and see clearly the pain that so many people often cover up on a daily basis. It’s been around 8 weeks since I started openly disclosing the truthful aches that my heart held and since then there have been more than several occasions when others have jumped on my band waggon, eagerly wanting to share and normalise the pain they too have held but not known how to share.
Let’s take Motherhood for example. Instagram, Facebook and celebrities alike are making it difficult for new Mothers, Fathers and couples to comprehend how normal some of the stages of bringing a baby into this world are. For example;
- It’s NORMAL for Mums to cry. All the time. Because of ab-so-lutely… NOTHING…
- It’s NORMAL for your baby to only want to sleep in the front pack or in the pram
- It’s NORMAL for Mums to bleed for weeeeks after giving birth and wear pads the size of dinner plates
- It’s NORMAL to not want to have sex again for long time
- It’s NORMAL to spend hours rocking a pram or a bassinet so your baby sleeps
- It’s NORMAL for your baby to wake up in the night and only be soothed by the touch of skin
- It’s NORMAL for you to spend hours with your hand between the cot railings in the middle of the night
- It’s NORMAL for your baby to only sleep with the movement of the car
- It’s NORMAL for Mums to loose the plot the moment their partner walks through the door
- It’s NORMAL for your baby to only want to sleep on you
- It’s NORMAL for your relationship to be stretched so thin, you can barely see the cord
Everyone’s Normals are different. In many Mothers experiences; society, advertisements and social media builds a ‘Societal Normal’ which, in times of vulnerability, doesn’t allow them to confidently express their own Normals in fear of criticism in an already delicate state.
It’s not just Mother’s however, that silently fight battles by themselves.
It’s your friend who always seems to have their shit together. It’s your neighbour that routinely checks the mailbox at the same time every day. It’s your sister who is always asking you if you’re ok. It’s your colleague who you sit next to every day. It’s your own Mum who always puts you first.
Check. In. Check in with your friends. Check in with your family. Let people know you genuinely care, with no expectations attached. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Photo Credit: Amanda Oleander https://www.amandaoleander.com/